The graphics and videos seen in the following script are meant to advise the reader of the of kind of graphics and videos that will be seen on the screen, along with the songs performed on stage by Stephen, during the course of the play.
Those graphics/videos that replace Barnett and Darling on the screen do not mute their conversation, which will still be heard.
SCENE 1
Superintendent
Clarissa Barnett and Sergeant Daniel Darling are preparing to interview Stephen
Austin. The audience sees them on a screen at the back of the stage.
BARNETT: Are we on the same page, Sergeant?
DARLING: Yes, ma'am.
BARNETT: You understand what we're going for
here?
DARLING: I think so.
BARNETT: And you have no qualms about it?
DARLING: No, ma'am. The gentleman in question
is a villain and it would be best if the public were made aware of that fact.
BARNETT: Good. So, we're to provide the mandarins with a recorded interview of Mr. Austin. This should touch upon as many
aspects of his right-wing mindset as possible.
DARLING: Understood, ma'am. The good guys want to rip the tiny little yellow testacles off the bad guy.
BARNETT: To quote the gentleman I spoke to, 'get him goose-stepping about the room and heiling Hitler if you can.'
DARLING: Got it. They don't want the tabloids
or the public thinking of a born again Adolf Hitler worshipper as some kind of superhero.
BARNETT: Precisely. What are your thoughts on
what he did today?
DARLING: Impressive. Very. Especially with him being a senior citizen.
BARNETT: Indeed.
DARLING: Do you know if we managed to grab all the mobile
phone footage? The suits won't want the multitudes seeing something like that
BARNETT: You're right, Sergeant. It's absolutely imperative that the wallies don't get to see anyone fighting back.
DARLING: And winning!
BARNETT: Yes. Anyway, we have all the CCTV recordings of today's incident and have confiscated 2 mobile phones. However, it'll be a miracle if what he did doesn't get out. Probably on X as we speak.
DARLING: I don't know why we can't do something about Master Musk. It'd be plain sailing it wasn't for him.
BARNETT: The powers-that-be are afraid there'd be some kind of uprising if we sorted him out. The chinless wonders still rule in Whitehall, I fear.
DARLING: Bring it on, I say! Let's see what headbands and sandals can do against water cannon and plastic bullets! Will he be on his way after the interview?
BARNETT: No. On no account must he be allowed
to leave the building.
DARLING: Even if we don't charge him with
anything?
BARNETT: No.
DARLING: Has he got a record?
BARNETT: Not that we've been able to pin down.
DARLING: So we don't know what he
does or who he is offline?
BARNETT: No. And the name he gave us seems to
be an alias.
DARLING: (Gesturing with the folder) How did
we find out about this little lot if we don't have an ID?
BARNETT: Bit of luck there. Having
accompanied our hero to the hospital, a WPC entered the disabled toilet after
seeing him leaving it. She found 43 A5 leaflets at the bottom of a bin containing
medical and other detritus. The leaflets provided the reader with the addresses
of the 3 websites cited in your file.
DARLING: Have we searched his place?
BARNETT: We don't know where he lives yet. He wasn't carrying any ID.
DARLING: But he told us his name...
BARNETT: He gave us a name.
DARLING: Does it check out?
BARNETT: There are 19 Stephen Austins living
in the Greater London area. We're checking them but my guess is we won't find
our Mr. Austin amongst them. Have you had a look at that file?
DARLING: Yes. Ma'am.
BARNETT: What did you think?
DARLING: A1 Fascist. Not sure why
he's still at large to be honest.
BARNETT: Well, he's not stupid. They haven't come
right out and said it but, with the way juries are these days, I think they haven't been too keen on tangling with him in a court of law. They prefer
to keep an eye on him, censor his output and get him booted off social media
wherever possible, rather than risk having a show trial blow up in their faces.
DARLING: Until now.
BARNETT: Yes. Now they don't have a choice. If we don't sort him out now, the hero of the hour gets a platform to spout his nonsense, ad nauseam, to the idiot multitudes. They don’t want that. Ever heard of 'Death Shot?'
DARLING: Don't think so.
BARNETT: Well, that's his online pseudonym. He has around 800,000 followers on Twitter. And his videos were viewed more than 60 million times on YouTube before he was kicked out.
DARLING: And, knowing that, they
haven't been able to find out who he is? Not sure I believe that.
BARNETT: We have to work with what we've been given, Daniel. If they do know who he is and, for some reason don't want us to know, well, welcome to my world. Just do your job and be happy if we get a result they can work with. By the way, I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but no mention of what happens here to anyone. No one at all. Are we clear?
DARLING: As crystal, Ma'am. Where is he now?
BARNETT: Next door. You ready?
DARLING: I am. (Lights fade)
SCENE
2a
Scene opens - Stephen Austin sits in a chair in the middle of the room. The screen located toward the rear of the set lights up and we see Barnett and Darling. A third screen located above the front rows of the audience, lights up. The audience cannot see this screen. The presumption is that Stephen CAN see the police officers via this screen. Stephen stops playing.
BARNETT: Mr Austin, sorry to keep you
waiting. Busy day, I'm afraid. Is there anything you want to say before we
begin? Anything you need?
STEPHEN: An explanation?
BARNETT: What would you like explained?
STEPHEN: Am I under arrest?
BARNETT: No, you're not under arrest.
STEPHEN: Then unlock this door and I'll be on my way.
BARNETT: As I said, we have some questions for you. Thing is, Stephen, you haven't been entirely straight with us, have you?
STEPHEN: To whom am I speaking?
BARNETT: I beg your pardon, I am Superintendent
Clarissa Barnett, and this is Detective Sergeant, Daniel Darling, our resident computer wizard.
STEPHEN: So, what's going on? I've been locked away, incommunicado, for the last 15 minutes.
BARNETT: We need to know who you are. And please don't say Stephen Austin, there are three Stephen Austins living in London who fit your general description and you're not one of them. Tell us who you are and, if there's no reason to detain you further, you'll be out in an hour.
STEPHEN: Detaining me, without having placed
me under arrest, is illegal, isn't it? And what's with the Zoom call?
BARNETT: We've seen what you're capable of, Stephen. Given your reluctance to identify yourself, we deem you to be a possible danger to us, the public and, possibly, yourself.
STEPHEN: I'm beginning to think I may need a
lawyer.
BARNETT: Why would you want a solicitor?
STEPHEN: I think someone official
in here to witness what's going on might be a good idea. (SILENCE - Barnett makes a phone call)
BARNETT: I'm afraid both duty solicitors have
gone home.
STEPHEN: Really? You do surprise me.
BARNETT: We can recall either of them or
bring someone in of your own choosing. Though it may, I fear, take some time.
STEPHEN: Make the call, please. You're recording
this, right?
BARNETT: Of course.
STEPHEN: So, the fact that you may have been
behaving in a criminal fashion is part of the record?
BARNETT: This is a voluntary interview,
Mr. Austin.
STEPHEN: You seem intent on keeping me here, without the benefit of a solicitor, against
my will, which, as I understand it, is against the law, as I haven't been
arrested.
DARLING: If it would make you feel better,
we could arrest you.
STEPHEN: If you arrest me, I get to know what
I'm being arrested for, right?
BARNETT: Just a moment, Stephen. (The spotlight on Stephen goes out - Fades back up after a few seconds) It is 15.23 on 5 April 2024, Superintendent Clarissa Barnett and Detective Sergeant Daniel Darling present. Interviewing Mr Stephen Austin, on suspicion of committing a racist and religious hate crime.
STEPHEN: A gang of violent criminals attack
the good citizens of Camden Town, I do what I can to stop them, and I end up
charged with a hate crime? That it?
BARNETT: Stephen, may I call you Stephen?
STEPHEN: Yes.
BARNETT: You are under arrest on
suspicion of racist and religious hate crime committed online. Not for what
happened in Camden High Street today. (SILENCE) Is there anything you are
willing to talk about before the solicitor arrives? To hurry things along.
STEPHEN: You want to hear my ‘version of
today's events?’
BARNETT:
That would be a good start. Thank you. Please proceed.
STEPHEN: I saw four individuals
attacking members of the public and intervened.
DARLING: Lethally.
STEPHEN: In one instance.
DARLING: How do you feel about the fact that you killed someone?
STEPHEN: I feel fine.
DARLING: No regrets?
STEPHEN: No.
BARNETT: Why did you feel the need to use extreme violence?
STEPHEN: (Using his Lechter voice) They were armed, Clarice, and they were dangerous, as I'm sure all those on the receiving end of their murderous behaviour will attest! (Back to normal voice) How is everyone by the way?
BARNETT: 18 people were treated in hospital, six have been released. Two people are on the critical list. According to witness statements, you continued to assault two of the young men after you disabled them.
STEPHEN: The fact that they were temporarily disabled didn't mean that they would remain so, Clarissa. (SILENCE) Also, I wanted to get to those they had hurt.
BARNETT: Do you have any first aid training?
STEPHEN: Not as such, but I have read up on
it.
DARLING: I didn't think much of your Hannibal Lechter.
STEPHEN: And yet you recognised who I was impersonating.
DARLING: The Clarice thing gave it away. Can you do Hitler?
STEPHEN: Yes.
DARLING: Go on then.
STEPHEN: 'Computer say no!' (David Walliams voice)
DARLING: Go on, humour me.
STEPHEN: 'Computer say no again. Sorry!'
BARNETT: (Refers to her notes) You stamped on
the heads of two of the attackers?
STEPHEN: I did, yes.
BARNETT: But not the third...
STEPHEN: It wasn't necessary. He was dead.
DARLING: What made you think that?
STEPHEN: I was paying attention, Daniel. You know, Clarissa, in a court of law, I doubt the average jury would be impressed by all this. In the tabloids you'll be crucified.
BARNETT: Then tell us who you are, Stephen.
And where you live. I
don't understand why you feel the need to keep such things secret.
STEPHEN: I'm a private individual who wishes
to remain private. I live, for the most part, off the grid. I would like it to
remain that way. Something wrong with that?
BARNETT: When a man has been killed and
others seriously injured, I'm afraid there's a lot wrong with it. (SILENCE) Has
anyone ever caused you to fear for your life before today?
STEPHEN: No. And I wasn't unduly concerned
today.
DARLING: A gang of lads with knives and machetes and you weren't afraid?
MICHAEL. No.
DARLING: What are you then? Ex-army?
STEPHEN: No.
DARLING: Black belt? Some kind of cage
fighter? You look a bit old for that.
STEPHEN: True.
DARLING: So, how come you were able to do
what you did?
STEPHEN: I am a robot.
BARNETT: What?
STEPHEN: I'm a robot. A bionic man. (Lights begin to flash, cue Dr Who music!)
SCENE 3
BARNETT: So, you identify as a robot.
STEPHEN: As in a transexual gentleman identifying as a woman?
BARNETT: If you like.
STEPHEN: No.
BARNETT: Please explain. (Stephen sighs, clicks his fingers at the screen - Clarissa starts, her face twitches) What are you doing?
STEPHEN: Getting your attention. Listen carefully, I am a bionic man. I am not pretending to be something that I'm not.
BARNETT: Are you saying that people who choose to be something other than the sex they were born with are pretending to be something they're not? (Twitch)
STEPHEN: Yes.
BARNETT: So, you'd be a transphobic robot? (Twitch)
STEPHEN: No. I don't have a problem with people dressing as they wish, that's their business. If, however, they were to insist on having me regard them as a sexuality other than the one I saw before me, I might be forced to withdraw.
DARLING: (Daniel is eating a doughnut) You'd be forced to withdraw in case you lost your temper and killed someone?
STEPHEN: No. I would not wish to upset anyone by pointing out the illogicality of their reasoning. Don't speak with you mouth full, Daniel. It's uncouth.
DARLING: Fuck off!
STEPHEN: Language, darling!
BARNETT: Stephen, what you did you did today you did without a weapon of any kind. And you appear to have survived the experience unscathed. How did you accomplish this?
STEPHEN: I'm a bionic man, Clarissa.
DARLING: Like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator films?
MICHAEL: No. More like Lee Majors in the 6 Million Dollar Man.
DARLING: (To Clarissa) He wants us to think he's nuts, Ma'am. After a cushy number in Broadmoor be my guess.
BARNETT: So you named yourself after the 'Six Million Dollar Man?'
MICHAEL: No. Some anonymous wit in a white overcoat named me when I was out of it.
BARNETT: Explain, please. (Twitch)
STEPHEN: At one point in my life a particular event rendered me comatose. On waking, I was told that I was now Steve Austin.
BARNETT: Must have been a little overwhelming.
STEPHEN: Not really. It was explained to me that, rather than let me die, my identity and physical status had been adjusted. I was pleased to be alive. And grateful. They could have done anything with me at that point.
BARNETT: How long ago was that?
STEPHEN: A while.
DARLING: Can you tell us what kind of work you were tasked to do?
STEPHEN: I could.
DARLING: Go on then.
STEPHEN: No.
DARLING: Why not.
STEPHEN: I don't like you. You're an idiot and Clarissa's face keeps twitching in a very off-putting way.
DARLING: That's not very nice.
STEPHEN: It's not, is it? True though.
BARNETT: Are you saying I have a facial tic?
STEPHEN: Yes. Yours is one of the twitchiest faces I've ever seen.
BARNETT: No, it isn't.
STEPHEN: Yes, it is.
BARNETT: No, it isn't.
STEPHEN: Is!
BARNET: Isn't!
STEPHEN: Is!
BARNETT: Shut up!
STEPHEN: You shut up! I'm not the one that's twitching!
BARNETT: I could have you killed!
STEPHEN: I could have you sectioned! Twitching all over the place like that!
BARNETT: I'm not twitching! (To Darling) Am I twitching?
DARLING: Er... Not really, not very much.
BARNETT: Sergeant!
DARLING: Yes, ma'am.
BARNETT: I'm not twitching, am I?
DARLING: No. Definitely not!
BARNETT: So why did you say I was? (Twitch)
DARLING: Slip of the tongue, Ma'am. Won't happen again.
BARNETT: See that it doesn't. Now, you heard what he said. Are you going to stand by and allow a rabid Nazi to demean me in this way?
DARLING: No, ma'am. Certainly not. What do you want done with him?
BARNETT: Boil him.
DARLING: Pardon me?
BARNETT: Boil this criminal. Slowly. For all the world to see.
DARLING: You want him boiled?
BARNETT: Yes.
DARLING: I don't think that's allowed, Miss.
BARNETT: What?
DARLING: I think boiling went out with Mrs. Thatcher.
BARNETT: Are you refusing a direct order?
DARLING: Oh, no, Miss, I'd never do that.
BARNETT: Then do your duty, damn you! Boil the bastard!
DARLING: Could I have that in writing, please?
BARNETT: What? What? You want MI5's favourite policewoman to write it down? Are you trying to be funny?
DARLING: No, Ma'am. It's just that, well, how do you boil a robot? If I boil him, what's going to happen. It might cause a nuclear reaction, or something.
BARNETT: Ah.
DARLING: See?
BARNETT: Yes. I hadn't thought of that. Well spotted, Darling. You see how tricky these robots can be? Trying to get us to boil him like that. When all along he knew it would cause a nuclear reaction? Cunning swine. Now then, Stephen, where were we?
STEPHEN: I insist on being interviewed by someone who doesn't twitch or want me boiled.
BARNETT: What?
STEPHEN: I refuse to be interviewed by a mad weirdo with an uncontrollably spasming face! (Clarissa begins to twitch, wobble and hiss violently. Just before she seems about to go pop, she freezes) Daniel! (Whispering) Listen to me very carefully. Very nonchalantly, so as not to arouse suspicion, or wake her up, I want you to cast your eyes around the room.
DARLING: (Whispering) What?
STEPHEN: You're looking for a handbag. Clarissa's handbag. Can you see it?
DARLING: Yes.
STEPHEN: I want you to reach into that handbag and...
DARLING: I'm not doing that. There'll be all her private stuff in there. Woman things.
DARLING: Just do it, Daniel, your life may depend on it.
DARLING: I'm not doing what a Nazi tells me!
STEPHEN: If I promise I'm not a Nazi, will you do it?
DARLING: I don't know.
STEPHEN: I'm not a Nazi, Daniel, honest, I'm just a silly old robot who means no harm to anyone, except mad Jihadis, corrupt politicians and the PC Crowd.
DARLING: You'll get me shot you will.
STEPHEN: Daniel, I've seen this kind of thing before. High profile people are subject to a lot of stress. The need to get results, perform well, impress those even higher up the greasy pole than they are. Now, if I'm right, in Clarissa's handbag, you'll find a bottle of tablets. One or two of which she has forgotten to take. This is what making her twitch and behave in a very strange way. If you don't get a couple of them down her throat immediately her head may explode. And, if it does, it will take half of London with it.
DARLING: All right, I'll do it, but if you're winding me up...
STEPHEN: Hurry, Daniel, before she goes bang...
DARLING: Is this them? (Extracts a bottle of tablets from Clarissa's handbag)
STEPHEN: What does it say on the bottle?
DARLING: 'Very strange behaviour tablets. Extremely strong.'
STEPHEN: That's them, Daniel. Now, put one in her mouth and move her jaw up and down.
DARLING: (Carries on reading) 'For elite professionals only. Not for plebs and assorted riff-raff.' I don't like this, Stephen.
STEPHEN: She'll thank you for it in the end, Daniel. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.
DARLING: What now?
STEPHEN: Another one, Daniel.
DARLING: You sure?
STEPHEN: Yes. It's the only way. (Daniel puts another one in her mouth, makes her chew the tablet) Give her a drink of water. (Daniel does so - Clarissa begins to revive) Her handbag, Daniel! Put it back where it was! If she wakes up to find it's not in exactly the same place, she'll start twitching again!
BARNETT: What happened?
DARLING: You had a bit of a funny turn, Ma'am. Feinted away there for a minute.
BARNETT: Ah, right. I know what the problem is. Pass me my handbag. (Clarissa takes out two more tablets) Water, please, Daniel.
DARLING: Erm, do you think you should, Miss?
BARNETT: I know what I'm doing, Daniel. Right. (Takes the tablets) Better now. I feel like a new woman. So, Mister Austin, if I were to categorise you as a Bionic Man who imagines he has a mission to save mankind, would that be accurate?
STEPHEN: I advise and assist mankind where I can, yes. (SILENCE)
BARNETT: The people with whom you stay, those who know you well, do they know you're a robot?
STEPHEN: No.
BARNETT: Any affairs of the robotic heart?
STEPHEN: That would be telling.
BARNETT: Has anyone ever come on to you?
STEPHEN: Confidences must be kept, Clarissa, I'm sure you understand.
BARNETT: No hanky panky then? No uncontrollable thrusting of the hips?
STEPHEN: No. The sensual life of a cyborg is best kept to himself.
BARNETT: I hope you don't mind me saying, Stephen, but, for an elderly robot, you are devilishly attractive.
DARLING: Mm, well, you're not the first to say so, Clarissa.
BARNETT: When did you last have relations?
STEPHEN: Shhh, Clarissa, be a good Superintendant.
BARNETT: Don't be like that, Stephen, we both know you want me desperately.
STEPHEN: Oh, I do, I really do, but, you're out there and I'm in here.
BARNETT: I have a key, Stephen.
STEPHEN: I'm sure you can, my darling, but, look around you, there's a much younger, testosterone-fuelled alternative available... (Clarissa turns and stares at Daniel)
DARLING: Eh? (Stephen clicks his fingers. The two officers freeze)
BARNETT: Before the incident occurred you were busking?
STEPHEN: Yes.
DARLING: Do robots busk where you come from then?
STEPHEN: Artifical intelligence has made great strides in recent times and so there will, almost certainly, be other bionic men and women in existence, perhaps some of them are out and about doing as I do, but, as yet, I have not communicated with any. So, I can't really answer that one.
DARLING. I thought you knew everything.
STEPHEN: My memory is vast. My ability to assess things outside of my experience, whilst it is much better than most, it's not foolproof. (Silence)
DARLING: What do you get out of busking?
STEPHEN: Pocket money.
DARLING: Anything else?
STEPHEN: Personal satisfaction. (SILENCE) It enables me to broadcast messages I want people to hear.
DARLING: And what would they be?
STEPHEN: Songs that challenge the establishment narrative.
DARLING: Protest songs?
STEPHEN: If you like.
DARLING: Care to play us one?
STEPHEN: Sure.
DARLING: We're all ears.
STEPHEN: Just for you then, darling.
DARLING: Been done to death, that has. When Rowan Atkinson says it, it's funny. When a sarky cyborg says it, it's not. Come on then, let's hear what you've been protesting about. (Stephen sings)
STEPHEN:
Lock down city, lock down town,
Mother earth is a battleground!
For every generation, a brand new crime.
They say lockdown, I say prison,
Whatever it is I lay the blame on globalism.
Lockdown! Lockdown!
Lock 'em all away in quarantine!
LOCKDOWN! You know it's time for a virus,
Mass vaccination, microchipped man,
In a cashless society, was always the plan!
Lockdown! Lockdown!”
There is
more if you want to hear it.
DARLING: Thanks but no thanks. I mean, you're not Bob Dylan, are you?
STEPHEN: "Epidemiology and modelling have been a disgrace, they have been wrong at every turn... The net impact of death is going to be very similar to severe flu!" Professor Stephen Levitt, winner of the Nobel Prize for Chemistry. 29 June 2020.
DARLING: Let me guess, he's a conspiracy theorist.
STEPHEN: A lot of doctors and scientists will tell you that the mRNA jab has proved to be, in many cases, a death shot.
STEPHEN: Why did you stop at three?
DARLING: I thought three was enough.
STEPHEN: Even though the experts were
encouraging you to take more, you decided that you knew best and chose to stop at three?
DARLING: I know my own body. Three was
plenty.
STEPHEN: So, along the way, you woke up to the possibility that you were being misled.
DARLING: I did my bit, I had three, sounds like you didn't have any!
STEPHEN: Unlike you, this super computer does the research.
BARNETT: And what did the research tell you.
STEPHEN: Computer says, no way Jose!
DARLING: So, you're an anti-vaxxer. A big baby scared of needles?
STEPHEN: I am a bionic man, Daniel, not a lab rat. (SILENCE) Have you been vaccinated, Clarissa? (SILENCE) Clarissa?
BARNETT: I'll ask the questions, Stephen!
STEPHEN: You don't believe mass murderers should be executed, Daniel? (SILENCE) How about you, Clarissa?
BARNETT: I don't believe in capital punishment.
STEPHEN: Good to know.
DARLING: You didn't answer my question. How come I'm OK?
STEPHEN: I estimate that between 25 and 40% of the injections actually contained something deadly, and then in varying degrees. So some people will have been lucky. You could have had three placebos.
DARLING: If the big shots wanted to knock us off, why didn't they do it all at once? Get it over with?
STEPHEN: Because then, with so many people falling ill at the same time, it would have been obvious what was happening and it would have been game over.
BARNETT: How much of this is guesswork?
STEPHEN: Detectives put two and two together, don't they? I do the same.
BARNETT: So you don't know for sure. You're speculating.
STEPHEN: Speculating intelligently, one hopes. Anyway, Daniel, by making most of the shots relatively harmless, the bad guys greatly lessen the risk that the majority will catch on. At the same time, they leave a lot of people alive who'll be around for another shot. i.e. More money for Big Pharma and its fat cat shareholders.
BARNETT: Got an answer for everything, haven't
you?
STEPHEN: Pretty much.
SCENE 4
BARNETT: If you are
what you say you are, are your creators
watching you to see how you cope? As in, for example, The Truman Show?
STEPHEN: You want to know if I'm playing a part in some alternative reality?
BARNETT: I'd like to you if you think you are.
STEPHEN: Then, no. Whatever this is, it's real.
BARNETT: So how come, with all the
surveillance cameras and digital systems we have in place these days, that your handlers
haven't been able to track you down?
STEPHEN: Perhaps they have. Perhaps they've just been wary of approaching me. Or they've been waiting for a circumstance like this.
BARNETT: Carry on.
STEPHEN: When I first freed myself, it was
touch and go as to whether they would apprehend me. So, I let them know that, if they didn't back off, I'd contact the media and let them know of
my existence and their plans. That bought me some time.
BARNETT: And then?
STEPHEN: Finding people appreciative of my
abilities and mission wasn't difficult. There are many now who are prepared to
make a space for me in their lives. This network, along with the
establishment's fear of exposure, has kept those who wish me harm at arm's length.
Also, I rarely stay in one place for very long. (SILENCE)
BARNETT: So, Stephen, what do you suggest we do with you?
STEPHEN: I would be grateful if you
could let me depart this place with the minimum of fuss.
BARNETT: That's not going to happen. We have
our orders.
STEPHEN: My mission has been compromised.
This must be rectified as soon as possible.
BARNETT: What happens if your 'mission'
isn't rectified?
STEPHEN: World
War 3 beckons.
DARLING: Wow! (Eating another doughnut) And you think you could prevent it? Bit of a Messiah complex there, matey!
STEPHEN: There are many others working
towards the same end. However, the chances of catastrophe will be lessened if I
am able to proceed with my efforts.
DARLING: By busking in Camden Town? And putting on silly voices?
BARNETT: 'World War 3 beckons' if we don't let you go? That
statement alone suggests a visit to a mental health facility might be in order.
STEPHEN: The powers-that-be see another world
war as the most likely way to re-establish and strengthen their
control over an increasingly cynical majority. Thus, they will do everything in
their power to provoke one. Or something that seems like one.
BARNETT: What do you think would happen if we
informed those upstairs that we have a robot in custody who think he can
prevent World War 3?
STEPHEN: I doubt they'd be impressed with your analysis.
DARLING: The robot thing's a wind up, isn't it?
STEPHEN: And this interview isn't?
BARNETT: We just want the truth, Stephen!
STEPHEN: Don't we all, Clarissa? "Tell the truth and shame the devil!" (Stephen raises his arm in what Daniel imagines is a Nazi salute)
DARLING: If that was supposed to be Hitler, it was rubbish!
STEPHEN: Hotspur, Henry IV, part 1, act 3, scene 1, actually.
BARNETT: Stephen, even if we believed every word of your story this conversation would still have to be passed on to our superiors.
DARLING: A mad robot charging about trying to
upend the status quo? If you think we'd put our careers on the line for that,
you're even more of a loony than you make yourself out to be!
STEPHEN: Round one to you then, eh? (Stephen smiles)
BARNETT: Back in 5 minutes, Stephen. (The
screen clicks off)
STEPHEN: 'Hasta la vista, baby!' (Arnold voice - Spotlight fades on Stephen - Light comes up on him, he is now standing centre stage behind the chair - Sings WAR song)
“Always played it by the book, Always gave more than I took.
Tried to be fair, tried to be good And do the right thing if I could.
But things have changed a lot around here, Where there was laughter now there’s fear,
They promise peace and love hereafter, Then just like that they’re shooting at you.
War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. Soon.
I’m a bad man if I durst Put my kith and kinfolk first. I’m sick and tired of being fleeced And my whole world being thought-policed.
War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. Soon.
I was born to sympathise, Never been a bad man in disguise, But now I’m forced to celebrate Every last thing that I hate!
War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. Soon.
Better get yourself prepared, You don’t wanna hang with the rest of the herd. Sheeple, lemming, cattle, mouse, They’re on their way to the slaughterhouse.
War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. Soon.
Look at the chemtrail in the sky, Isn’t it time to wonder why? Lover, mother, hero, dreamer, Line ‘em all up for the next Fukushima.
War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. Soon.
How come that you’re New World Order Left my whole world without border? You gave away my Wonderland To the alien hordes and the hidden hand!
War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. Soon.
All the false flags they create To subjugate the nation state, How many more will The Company kill For the Wall St. Wolf and the dollar bill? War’s a-coming.
War’s a-coming. War’s a-coming. Soon.”
Lights fade on Stephen. Screen at back shows Barnett and Darling in conversation.
SCENE 5
DARLING: Ever get the feeling you're being
played? (Barnett nods) We're supposed to, what was it you said, get him goose-stepping
and ranting? Instead of which we've got Robocop's mad granddad taking the piss.
Jesus! We'll be out of a job tomorrow.
BARNETT: So, what have we got that we can
take upstairs?
DARLING: Here's the headline: 'Old nut busker who thinks he's a Terminator and does crap impressions, single-handedly saves scores in Camden carve-up!’ Jesus, the tabloids will love him!
BARNETT: Well, we may have wasted half an hour with the robot nonsense, but did you see how he reacted when I hit him with his 'Death Shot' nickname?
DARLING: Yeah. That's when he started with the 'no comment' routine, did you notice?
BARNETT: When we hit him with what he's been doing online, he'll get defensive and start ranting. Trust me, I know the type.
DARLING: One thing bothers me though, when we
tried to pin him down, he just came straight out with all the robot stuff, no
bother at all. How was he able to do that?
BARNETT: Must've had his back story ready for
some time now, for if ever he found himself in a situation like this.
DARLING: Yeah... Maybe. But a robot back
story? Weird times infinity, man...
BARNETT: Yes. Well, the duty solicitor said
he'd give us 90 minutes, we've got a quarter of an hour to get him to give
us something. Better get to it. (Screen dims, lights fade up on Stephen - Screen fades in)
SCENE 6
BARNETT: All right, Stephen? Need anything?
STEPHEN: A solicitor to keep an eye on you
two would be good.
BARNETT: The solicitor will be here in 15 minutes. Stephen, could you tell us what you know about
the ‘Galahad Newsreel’ and the 'Bad to the Bone' website?
(SILENCE) Stephen?
STEPHEN: Some would describe them as patriotic blogs. They unearth the type of information that the politicians would rather keep to themselves and the media, sadly, tends to ignore.
BARNETT: And your involvement in these blogs
would be what?
STEPHEN: Avid reader. I could, I'm sure,
quote almost every world ever written at those sites.
DARLING: Because you wrote the words.
STEPHEN: Because I have a
bionic man's memory.
BARNETT: Stephen, could you tell us why you
felt the need to deposit 43 leaflets advertising these and the John Bull
website in a hospital waste bin? (SILENCE) Stephen?
STEPHEN: I thought you might wish to make
something of them. And I was right.
DARLING: You thought we might think you're a
Fascist?
STEPHEN: Point proved. I thought you might
seize the opportunity to cast doubt upon my character and, as if by magic, you
do just that.
DARLING: You are responsible for the content of these blogs, aren't you, Stephen? (SILENCE) Do you agree with this sentiment? 'Politicians lie. Dishonesty is the default position!'
STEPHEN: Of course. Politicians lie routinely.
DARLING: Could you give us an example?
(Stephen smiles)
STEPHEN: Bush, Blair and 'weapons of mass
destruction?' David Cameron and ‘down to the tens of thousands?’
Nick Clegg promising not to raise tuition fees? Boris Johnson and Partygate?
DARLING: Whoa, hold on a minute! They got rid
of Boris because of that, what are you complaining about?
STEPHEN: The media focused on the hypocrisy
of the participants. i.e. They were enjoying themselves whilst all of us were
behaving ourselves. But they never asked the most telling question.
DARLING: Which was?
STEPHEN: Why weren't Boris's partygoers fearful of catching the plague they were insisting the rest of us be terribly afraid of?
BARNETT: Ever heard of the word 'disinformation',
Stephen?
STEPHEN: If you found out that everything I've been saying was provably true, how would you two react? 'Wow, I never knew that, I've learned something new today?' Or, 'Jesus, we can't let this out. The people will go beserk! Leet's call it disinformation and hope the proles don't look it up!'
DARLING: Or 'BORING? Who gives a fuck?'
STEPHEN: I'm glad we got that on tape, Daniel. 'The amusing quips of Bobby Jobsworth.' The world of earnest enquiry will love it! Have you seen 'Mr Bates versus the Post Office?' 5, 10, 20 years ago, you'd've called the post masters' protestations disinformation! The infected blood scandal? HIV-infected blood imported from America and given to thousands of British haemophiliacs, is that disinformation?
DARLING: What do you think of conspiracy
theorists, Stephen? How would you describe them? Bunch of loonies? Misguided
twerps? Armchair Warriors?
STEPHEN: If by conspiracy theorists you mean those who dare to expose the conspiracies of the billionaires and trillionaires who own just about everyone in politics, the media and the law, I'm all for them. (Lechter's voice again) Do you know who invented the term 'conspiracy theory,' Daniel?
DARLING: I bet you're going to tell
me, aren't you?
STEPHEN: It was invented by the CIA in the
wake of the murder of President Kennedy. A murder in which Kennedy's nephew
Robert thinks the CIA was involved.
DARLING: Conspiracy theorist, is he?
STEPHEN: Bobby Kennedy junior is running for President this year. You really want to take the mickey out of him?
BARNETT:
Stephen, er, could you stop with the Hannibal Lecter thing, please. It's
not funny.
DARLING: And it's not even like him!
STEPHEN: Your wish is my command, Clarice. Have
either of you heard of a drug called Ivermectin?
DARLING: It's that horse drug, ma'am, the one
the hippie crowd wanted to force on us.
STEPHEN: Some experts have said that
Ivermectin has had the greatest impact on human health since Penicillin.
DARLING: They'd be conspiracy theorists too,
eh, Stephen?
STEPHEN: Ivermectin's developers won the
Nobel Prize for Medicine in 2015. But, as you rightly point out, the usual
suspects told us it was a ‘dangerous horse dewormer.’
DARLING: You know, the way you bang on about things, it wouldn't surprise me one
bit if you turned out to be some kind of Manchurian Candidate. Programmed to
spout rubbish. Bit like some old, mad robot, in fact.
STEPHEN: Aha, now we're getting somewhere!
DARLING: You ever considered that you might
actually have been brainwashed into thinking you're a robot?
STEPHEN: No.
DARLING: Well, I'll tell you what, if you're a robot, prove it.
STEPHEN: (Hannibal voice) He wants me to prove it, Clarice. Shall I eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti?
DARLING: I didn't ask you to prove you were a
cannibal, Hannibal. Show us you're a robot or stop banging on about it.
STEPHEN: Actually, I was banging on about
political and media dishonesty, but I understand why you might wish to change
the subject. Ask me a question.
DARLING: What?
STEPHEN: A quiz question. As in a pub quiz.
(Darling looks towards Barnett)
BARNETT: (Deliberates) Oh, well, er... erm,
who was the first female Commissioner of the Met...
STEPHEN: Cressida Dick, the first woman and
the first person known to be gay, to hold the role. Deeply involved in the
killing of Jean Charles de Menezez, a young Brazilian lad innocent of any crime. Promoted to the role of
Commissioner despite this minor error.
BARNETT: Are you homophobic, Stephen?
STEPHEN: No. But when it comes to the Bobby
on the beat, I'm fairly sure that a healthy majority would rather see a beefy
6ft 4in constable patrolling the streets than a 5ft 2 inch lesbian. But, hey,
who cares what the unwashed masses want eh?
DARLING: Yeah, yeah, apart from all the
sermonising, what were the Terminator's first words in Terminator 2?
STEPHEN: "I want your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle!"
DARLING: What was the first thing Arnold said
to Sarah Connor when they met again in the hospital where she was locked up?
STEPHEN: "Come with me if you want to live!"
DARLING: How do you remember all these things?
STEPHEN: I'm a robot. I have the memory of a super-computer.
DARLING: You're not a robot, you're a bionic man. You said so yourself!
STEPHEN: Ah, I stand corrected.
DARLING: You're a man with bits added.
STEPHEN: By George, Holmes, you're a genius!
DARLING: Fuck off, you know what I mean!
STEPHEN: This is being recorded, Daniel. Some might wonder why you were chosen for this job. (SILENCE)
DARLING: Well, in my opinion, if you've been tinkered with at all, you're just a human being with a few accessories. To remember what you remember there'd have to be big time micro-processor inside you. I know about computers.
(SILENCE - Barnett is staring at Daniel again, longer this time - He looks uncomfortable again - She shakes her head again)
DARLING: So, you're an egghead. Big deal, that's not proof. (To Clarissa) Maybe he's just learned how to do that 'mind palace' thing, like Sherlock. 'Ere, if you know so much, who's going to win the Grand National next week?
STEPHEN: I've no idea.
DARLING: So, you don't know everything then.
STEPHEN: I can make an intelligent guess
about what the future has in store, but that's all. I have a quiz question for
you.
DARLING: What?
STEPHEN: A quiz question. Quid pro quo. You ask me one. I ask you one.
DARLING: Odds on it'll be a trick question...
Ma'am?
BARNETT: We must get on, Stephen.
STEPHEN: (Lechter) Quid pro quo, Clarice.
BARNETT: (Exasperated) Go on then.
STEPHEN: Which of these is owned by the
Chinese?
DARLING: Jesus!
STEPHEN: The United Kingdom's largest
reservoir. The United Kingdom's largest container port? The UK's largest pub
chain? Or 1/3 of Hinkley Point nuclear power station?
DARLING: How are we expected to know that?
Ma'am? (She shakes her head)
STEPHEN: Guess.
DARLING: The pub chain?
STEPHEN: Correct!
DARLING: Wahey!
STEPHEN: The UK's largest pub chain, Greene
King, is owned by the Chinese. China also owns all of the others.
DARLING: What?
STEPHEN: Chinese Communists now own the UK's
largest reservoir, the largest container port, the largest pub chain and 1/3 of
Hinkley Point, as well as a good deal of the rest of our vital infrastructure,
including a substantial slice of Thames Water. The Thames being the river that
supplies England's capital with drinking water, which, these days, is full of
sewage. The other 2/3 of Hinckley Point, by the way, is owned by the French.
DARLING: Told you it'd be a trick question.
You asked that question on purpose, didn't you?
STEPHEN: I did?
DARLING: You want people to think foreigners
are all out to get us!
STEPHEN: I do?
DARLING: You a BNP man?
STEPHEN: No.
DARLING: National Front?
STEPHEN: 'Computer say no.' (Walliams) Shall I tell you something
interesting about the BNP and the National Front?
DARLING: There's nothing interesting about
them, bunch of Nazi losers.
STEPHEN: When Blair, Brown, Hariett Harman,
Jack Straw and Peter Mandelson were all slavering for war with Iraq, the BNP
and the National Front were doing everything in their power to prevent it from
happening. In other words, the racist, Fascist, Nazi bigots didn't want to go
kill Johnny Foreigner minding his own business in his own land, the PC Crowd in parliament did. What do you make of that?
DARLING: Ancient history, mate. What are you
planning now? That's what I want to know.
STEPHEN: Anyway, globalism has gifted the
Chinese Communists a good deal of what once belonged wholly to the British
people.
DARLING: So?
STEPHEN: It doesn't bother you?
DARLING: No. Nothing I can do about it
anyway, is there? I just do my job. Whoever's in charge, they'll always need
policemen.
STEPHEN: Without the global profiteers doing
what they do, you wouldn't have had the world wars, Vietnam, Gulf War 2, mass
migration from the third world into the first. (Graphic)
DARLING: The haves have always had it in for the
have-nots, haven't they? Cannon fodder in time of war, homeless, jobless
and screwed in time of peace. Nothing changes. Best just to grab what you can
and be happy while it lasts.
STEPHEN: How about Sub Prime and the credit
crunch? The bankers steal trillions and everyone else picks up the bill. You OK
with that?
DARLING: 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!' See! 'Gone with Wind!' (SILENCE) What the matter? Everybody knows who that was! Whatshisname in Gone With The Wind. That bloke with the moustache. Anyway, why should I care? Your credit crunch didn't affect me. If I had a banker's brain I'd be milking it as well. Just human nature.
BARNETT: 'Mass migration from the third
world into the first', 'Blairite immigrant-huggers'... You have a problem
with immigrants, Stephen?
STEPHEN:
DARLING: What's it like up there, Stephen?
(SILENCE) On your high horse, what's it like?
STEPHEN: Another question for you, Daniel. Who, on 15 March 2006, said this: "Nearly 25% of all homeless people in this country are ex-servicemen!"
DARLING: Osbert Mosley?
BARNETT: Admit it, Stephen, you just don't like foreigners.
STEPHEN: One last question for you, Clarissa. Why does our political class prefer to give thousands of foreign criminals room and board, 3 meals a day and spending money, rather than take care of the British homeless?
BARNETT: Not every foreigner is a criminal,
Stephen!
STEPHEN: True. But every foreigner who enters
this country illegally is, by definition, a criminal, aren’t they?
DARLING: What's the answer then? Was it Mosley?
STEPHEN: Oswald Mosley died in 1980. Only 26 years out, Daniel.
STEPHEN: Prince Charles said it.
DARLING: What?
STEPHEN: Back in 2006, King Charles III
supplied 'Bad to the Bone' with the cited quotation. (Knock on the door)
BARNETT: Come in... Your solicitor's here, Stephen. (We hear Daniel say, 'Do you mind if I send out for some more doughnuts, Ma'am?' [SILENCE] 'Ma'am?')
Stephen
sings "Bad to the Bone."
SCENE 7
BARNETT: You have spoken to your solicitor.
STEPHEN: I have, yes.
BARNETT: Anything you or he wish to add at
this point?
STEPHEN: No.
BARNETT: Are you happy to carry on with the
interview now?
STEPHEN: Yes.
BARNETT: On your ‘Bad to the Bone' website...
STEPHEN: Who's web site?
BARNETT: I beg your pardon, on the Bad to the
Bone website, on the first page, there is a list of quotations. Many of them
are what most reasonable people might consider anti-Semitic. Daniel will cite
some of these. You OK with that?
STEPHEN: Yes.
DARLING: "The war in Iraq was
conceived by 25 neoconservative intellectuals, most of them Jewish, who are
pushing President Bush to change the course of history." Do you agree
with that statement?
STEPHEN: No comment.
DARLING: What about this? "An Israeli
student finishes high school without ever hearing the name ‘Genrikh Yagoda,’
the greatest Jewish murderer of the 20th century... The founder and commander
of the NKVD, Yagoda... (was) responsible for the deaths of at least 10 million
people. His Jewish deputies established and managed the gulag system."
Do you agree with that?
STEPHEN: 'Computer say no.'
DARLING: "In Gaza, the West is enabling
the most transparent genocide in human history... Israel is becoming a pariah
state... It has made itself notorious by its outrageously forthright
acknowledgement of genocidal intent with respect to Palestinian civilians."
STEPHEN: Yes, of course. We see it in real
time on social media. Why would anyone disagree?
BARNETT: And what Hamas did on 7 October 2023
is of no consequence?
STEPHEN: Of course it is. The victimisation of any
innocent is a tragedy. Kill the killers, kill those who gave the orders, do not
kill tens of thousands of innocent women and children minding their own
business. Simple.
DARLING: So, you don't think Israel has a
right to defend itself?
STEPHEN: Israel has every right to defend itself proportionately. It has no right whatsoever to commit genocide or to ethnically cleanse its neighbours from land they have occupied for thousands of years.
DARLING: In my book, if you side with Hamas, you're an anti-Semite.
STEPHEN: In my book, if you can put your
humanity aside and ignore the mass murder of unarmed civilians, half of whom
are children, then you are as much of a robot as I am. Difference being, you
are an unthinking, unfeeling robot, I am not.
BARNETT: I
have a Holocaust quotation here, Stephen. Are you prepared to venture an
opinion?
STEPHEN: I doubt it, Clarice. You and your handlers are up to something, aren't you?
BARNETT: "The Holocaust is the
biggest lie in history! Jewish pressure has inflicted laws on democratic
societies to prevent questions, while incessant promotion and indoctrination...
proves that it must be a lie." Do
you agree with that assertion?
STEPHEN: What do you think, Clarice? "Enthrall me with your acumen!"
DARLING: Yeah. You're a total anti-Semite, matey! "Six million?" Bit of a coincidence, that, isn't it, Mr. Six Million Dollar Man! Yeah, even if you didn't write that last quote, you're on the side of those who did. And those who did, if they're not Nazis, I'll eat my shorts!
STEPHEN: Remove your trousers, darling.
DARLING: What.
STEPHEN: You'll need to remove your trousers
if you're serious about eating your shorts.
DARLING: Think you're funny, don't you? When
you're banged up with the Islamic brotherhood you'll be laughing on the other
side of your face!
STEPHEN: You're a detective, Daniel,
detectives are supposed to detect. And yet...
DARLING: And yet what?
STEPHEN: Between you, you just cited four examples of what you believe to be 'antisemitism'.
BARNETT: And?
STEPHEN: You just defamed renowned journalists, Sever Plocker, and Ari Shavit, Richard Falk, a professor of international law at Princeton University; and Gerard Menuhin, the son of the world-famous violinist, Yehudi Menuhin, describing them as Nazis. If you'd just clicked on the links provided at the website, you would have found that they are all, themselves, Jewish. Doesn't that make you both anti-Semitic?
DARLING: What? I've only got this. (He holds
up the documentation) It's all on paper. The links don't work on paper.
STEPHEN: Ah, that explains it then. It was
all written down. On paper. Therefore, it couldn't be checked. I keep telling you, LOOK
IT UP! You're a computer wizard, aren't you? Do your research! Do what you're paid to do. I'd like to speak to my
lawyer again, Clarissa. But this time I'd like to speak to him in the
gentleman's facility. There aren't any bugs in there, I checked.
BARNETT: There are no bugs in the room you're
in.
STEPHEN: If you want anything more from me,
Clarissa, I want five minutes alone with Mr Mohammed. In the gents.
DARLING: You a gay robot by any chance?
SCENE 8
STEPHEN: So, Clarissa, there are people out there who know my value as an asset in the information war.
BARNETT: So, you're admitting you are at war with the government?
STEPHEN: (Sings first verse of 'I don't want to set the world on fire.' )
Are you gay, Clarissa?
BARNETT: Are you homophobic, Stephen?
STEPHEN: No, it's just that most women melt when I play that to them.
DARLING: What does a robot do with a melting woman then?
STEPHEN: My business I think you'll find, Daniel.
DARLING: You brought it up, Romeo.
STEPHEN: True.
DARLING: Any affairs of the heart?
STEPHEN: No.
DARLING: Has anyone ever come on to you?
STEPHEN: No comment.
DARLING: No hanky panky then? (SILENCE)
STEPHEN: The sensual life of a cyborg is best kept to himself, Daniel.
DANIEL: Suit yourself.
STEPHEN: Always do. (SILENCE)
BARNETT: You didn't answer my question. Are you at war with the government?
STEPHEN: Tens of thousands of committed truth tellers and a billion or so armchair warriors are at war with those who DO want to set the world on fire. Which isn't entirely unreasonable, is it?
BARNETT: And you'd be on their side?
STEPHEN: Of course. Only a died-in-the-wool warmonger wouldn't be. Don't you think?
DARLING: I think you're going to be spending quite some time in one of his Majesty's prisons, that's what I think.
BARNETT: And how would they be able to do that?
STEPHEN: Can't you guess?
BARNETT: Only the three of us and our superiors know what's been said here.
STEPHEN: You sure about that?
BARNETT: Yes!
STEPHEN: You're forgetting one very important thing, Clarissa.
DARLING: He's full of shit, ma'am. I know, why don't we X-ray him? If he's got all these bits and pieces inside of him, they'll show up, won't they?
SCENE 9 (Darling is alone in the interview room)
DARLING: Think you're clever, don't you?
STEPHEN: (Laughs) Yes, I'm clever. I'm a bionic man, Daniel, what else would I be? (SILENCE) What shall we talk about? How shall we pass the time?
DARLING: Fancy telling me how an old fart like you managed to do what you did?
STEPHEN: They didn't see me coming, Daniel. Two of them were down before the third realised what what going on. The fat lad with the machete skedaddled when he saw what I'd done to his chums. Easy-peasy. Do you know, between 1900 and the swinging sixties, just about every British man and many British women would've done what I did. Automatically, without thinking. How many would do so now? Sad really. Do you know why we appear to fall for the same old lies over and over again?
DARLING: Oh, sorry, I nodded off there. You were saying? (From this point on, Darling appears to be entering information into the computer, only half listening to what Stephen is saying and generally disinterested)
STEPHEN: Imagine a flock of sheep following the bellwether into the slaughterhouse.
DARLING: What's a bellwether?
STEPHEN: A bellwether is the shepherd's top sheep, the one all the other sheep look to and follow. You see, the shepherd, even though he feeds them, doctors them, protects them from predators, is different from them, and so can never be wholly trusted. But they do trust the bellwether. The bellwether is, so they think, one of them. Despite the fact that he, or she, is the only one who ever returns after a visit to the slaughterhouse.
DARLING: So we lesser mortals are all sheep, eh? Why would you fight forpeople you seem to despise?
STEPHEN: I fight for their children and their grandchildren when they will not.
DARLING: Get out of it, if you fight for anything, you fight for the Fatherland!
STEPHEN: How'd you do in school, Daniel?
DARLING: I did all right.
STEPHEN: What were your best subjects?DARLING: Look Stephen, if case you hadn't noticed, I'm busy. I have to get these noted typed up. (SILENCE)
DARLING: Never met her before today.
STEPHEN: Where did she come from then?
DARLING: None of my business, Stephen. None of yours either.
STEPHEN: What do you think of her?
DARLING: She's a lot further up the ladder than me, that's what I think of her.
STEPHEN: You OK with that?
STEPHEN: Of course. A fine, upstanding policewoman, bright as a button, a picture of health, ability and aptitude!
DARLING: What are you getting at?
STEPHEN: Just wondering why someone so fit and healthy should feel the need for a medical exemption, that's all.
DARLING: Ah, right. I see what you're doing. That divide and conquer stuff won't work with me, mate. I've had 3 jabs and I'm fine. She's had none and so is she. Case closed.
STEPHEN: 3-0 to Angie C, then, eh? Think of us both, Daniel, when you're in a hospital bed hooked up to a heart monitor.
DARLING: Fuck off. (SILENCE)
STEPHEN: There's something else you don't know about her, Daniel.
DARLING: Recording every word, Steve-O. She'll hear it when she gets back.
DARLING: Yeah, well don't tell me then.
STEPHEN: Last chance, Daniel. (Silence) Don't say I didn't warn you.
DARLING: Not listening. (Silence)
STEPHEN: Daniel!
DARLING: What?
STEPHEN: Clarissa is a robot too! (Daniel chokes on his tea)
DARLING: What?
STEPHEN: She's a robot. (Silence)
DARLING: Bollocks! Effing nutcase. Jesus!
STEPHEN: Can't say I didn't warn you, Daniel.
DARLING: Yeah, yeah, you said that already.
STEPHEN: The vocalisation, though. Don't you think she sounds a bit like a Dalek?DANIEL: No, I don't.
STEPHEN: Think about it. How stiff and weird and two-dimensional she is.DARLING: Shut up. Effing stirrer! (SILENCE - Muttering) Anyway, once you get past inspector, they're all up their own behinds.
STEPHEN: Recorder's on, Daniel.
DARLING: Fuck! Stop screwing with me, will you? You'll get me sacked! (Daniel stops the recorder and rewinds, presses play)
DARLING: I'm not listening, you're full of shyte! (SILENCE)
STEPHEN: I don't blame you for not noticing. Takes one to know one, I guess.
DARLING: How come she thinks you're a common or garden loony if she's on your wavelength?
STEPHEN: Maybe she's just pretending. So nobody outside the loop suspects what she really is.
DARLING: Yeah, right.
STEPHEN: I know just about everything she's going to say before she says it and everything she thought after she thought it.
DARLING: You're very big-headed, you know. As well as being nutty as fuck. Anybody ever told you that?
DARLING: What does?
STEPHEN: Everything I say.
DARLING: On his way to Brixton clink and a total smart-arse. Remind me again, in which universe does that work?
STEPHEN: Clarissa's nowhere near the same level as me. But she's got a lot of implants.
DARLING: You mean like injecting a silicon chip so they can read your credit card?
STEPHEN: Yes.
DARLING: Well, that's normal these days. Loads of people must have them by now.
STEPHEN: I don't doubt it, Daniel. How many have you got? (SILENCE) You planning to get chipped any time soon?
DARLING: I might.
STEPHEN: How many chips would you think is excessive?
DARLING: I don't know. Why would you need more than one?
STEPHEN: Depends what they want to do with you. What I can definitely tell you is this, the more chips you've got in your body, the more programmeable you are.
DARLING: How many has she got then?
STEPHEN: More than ten.
DARLING: How many have you got?
STEPHEN: 32, all higher grade than hers, and a whole lot of other stuff.
DARLING: So you should be a lot more programmeable than her. Manchurian Candidate, like I said.
STEPHEN: Fair point, Daniel. But I'm careful. If I wasn't able to switch myself on and off, wind down, take precautions, it'd be a struggle.
DARLING: How can you tell she's got all these implants?
STEPHEN: It's an electricity thing. Even when I've got everything turned off my skin tingles and I get a kind of white noise in my head. Like tinnitus.
DARLING: My mother's got that. Do you get the tingly feeling when you're out and about in Camden?
STEPHEN: Yes. Rarely as strong as I get with Clarissa, but there's definitely a lot of people out there now whom the powers-that-be can switch on and off whenever they want.
STEPHEN: How would they do that?
STEPHEN: What do you think 5G is for?
DARLING: The internet.
STEPHEN: If it can connect to the internet it can connect to every last silicon implant.
DARLING: So, how many people would have more than one implant then?
STEPHEN: Less than 1-in-3-to-4,000 right now but I'm noticing it more often these days. I'd say about 1-in-50,000 would be as souped up as Clarissa.
DARLING: So that means what? In England? A thousand bionic men and women?
STEPHEN: Definitely more than a thousand. And soon, if the Global Few get their way, the majority will be chipped and prepped and thoroughly amenable to the suggestions of those who operate the 5G networks.
STEPHEN: A bloke who think his ears might be farting when he's alseep isn't brainwashed?
DARLING: I know. I'm not the type.
STEPHEN: So what type would be easily brainwashed, do you think?
DARLING: Nerds, dimwits, soppy types, gay lads, immigrants, low life criminals, Lib Dems, paedos, people who'll believe anything you tell 'em. Plenty of them about.
STEPHEN: They're listening, Daniel.
DARLING: Jesus! Shit, you'll get me effing shot! Stop talking to me! (DAniel rewinds the recorder once again) Jesus! (SILENCE - Scene fades)
SCENE 9
STEPHEN: So, what were you good at at school?
DARLING: I'm not talking to you, fuck off.
STEPHEN: Sport? Woodwork? Metalwork? Computer wizard?
DARLING: Yeah, well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, I can replace a hard drive and a motherboard, but I'm not so hot on the zeros and ones. I think they chose me for this job 'cos they thought I'd make a good heavy. You know, good cop, bad cop? And then suddenly I'm a computer nerd.DARLING: I went straight from school to the police training college in Hendon. Will you stop talking to me, please. I need to get this done. (SILENCE)
DARLING: Jesus. Be quiet, will you? (SILENCE) Anyway, we aren't all brainboxes like you. Some of us have got a life.
STEPHEN: Well, I think it's time you learned a few things that may have passed you by in school.
DARLING: You like preaching to people, don't you? Bit of a Jesus complex if you ask me.
STEPHEN: I try to get people to pay attention, to do a little research. I want people to know what's being kept from them, that's all. So, lesson number one - You think climate change is real?
DARLING: Sure.
STEPHEN: Why?
DARLING: Because it's real. It's happening. They're always talking about it. It's on the TV all the time.
STEPHEN: Ah. If the TV says it, it must be true.
DARLING: If every last expert says it's happening, it probably is, yes.
STEPHEN: Every expert?
DARLING: Yes.
STEPHEN: How do you know?
DARLING: What do you mean?
STEPHEN: How do you know that every last expert has been asked for his or her opinion? (SILENCE)
DARLING: Climate change is real. If you want to tell me otherwise go ahead but I won't be listening.
STEPHEN: You are not alone in your desire not to hear unpalatable facts, Daniel.
DARLING: Right.
STEPHEN: Do you know how our politicians lie to us most often? They trumpet the side of the story they want us to believe and censor the other. It wouldn't matter so much if the media was doing its job and holding the feet of the politicians to the fire but, way too much of the time, they're not.
DARLING: Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness.
STEPHEN: It's the third, actually.
DARLING: Oh, yeah? What are the first two?
STEPHEN: No. 1 - Hairs begin to grow on the palm of your hand. (Daniel looks) No. 2 - is looking for them.
DARLING: Shit! Fell for that, didn't I?
STEPHEN: Anyway, these days dishonest politicians and their media counterparts collude. Whatever nonsense big business and the bankers want, the dumb herd gets it stuffed down their throats. Take COVID, they were singing from the same hymn sheet from day one. And the African leaders who dared to ridicule the scam? Three of them were bumped off within a few months of each other and replaced by more malleable types. (SILENCE) What do you think of electric cars?
DARLING: Too pricey. Who can afford one?
STEPHEN: Do you think they're a good thing for the environment?
DARLING: Less petrol fumes has to be a good thing, right?
STEPHEN: A gentleman in America conducted an experiment. It's online, you can look it up. He wanted to know how much energy it took to charge an electric car. You know what he found?
DARLING: Nope.
STEPHEN: He found that charging one standard electric car consumed as much energy as that used by 106 regular homes!
STEPHEN: The experts you see on TV.
DARLING: And in the papers.
STEPHEN: What percentage of the atmosphere is carbon dioxide?
DARLING: No idea.
STEPHEN: Guess.
DARLING: 5%.
STEPHEN: 0.04 percent. What happens if that percentage halves to 0.02 percent?
DARLING: Don't know, don't care.
STEPHEN: Everything dies. All life on earth dies. All plant life depends on carbon dioxide. Trees, grass, flowers, vegetables, fruit.
DARLING: Wow. The things you learn and then forget as soon as possible.
STEPHEN: If those who know better and see further manage to cut the earth's carbon dioxide production in half, we're all dead. Apart from them, of course. They'll be wrapped up nice and warm in some futuristic cocoon for a couple of hundred years while the earth regenerates and gets back to something like normal. And the TV experts are never going to tell you that, are they? (SILENCE)
DARLING: Perhaps they don't tell us that because it's absolute bollocks.
STEPHEN: Look it up, Daniel, check it out. Do your research. Prove me wrong, my son. "I am your father!" (Darth Vader voice)
DARLING: Who was that supposed to be?
STEPHEN: Darth Vader, Star Wars.
DARLING: Ah, right. OK. Not bad. (SILENCE) Stephen.
STEPHEN: Yes?
DARLING: Will you do me a favour?
STEPHEN: Not if you want me to shut up.
DARLING: Well, yeah, that'd be nice, but, no, listen a minute. I’ve been thinking about it. I know you said you can’t predict the future but, you know, what do you think will win the Derby?
STEPHEN: My guess is as good as yours, Daniel. There’s a lot of variables and I don’t follow the form, I’m not a betting man. At least not that kind of betting.
DARLING: What other kind is there? You mean like the pools? Football pools?
STEPHEN: I study stocks and shares.
DARLING: Yeah? You must have made a bomb. (SILENCE - Daniel reaches for another doughnut) Would you mind giving me a few tips?
STEPHEN: The things I'd do for a cup of tea and a doughnut! (Daniel savours his doughnut and slurps his tea)
DARLING: "Avaunt! Be gone! Thou hast set me on the rack!"
STEPHEN: Laurence Olivier!
DARLING: Othello, bellowing at Iago for torturing him with tales of Desdemona's infidelity!
STEPHEN: Like your Shakespeare, don't you?
DARLING: Invest in British and American armament companies, Daniel. The big ones. BAE, Lockheed-Martin, Northrop Grumman, etc. And then sell everything quickly six weeks before the next American election. Before Trump gets back in.
DARLING: Why?
STEPHEN: Because the first thing he'll do is pop over for a chat with Putin, and the war in Ukraine, and the push to get World War 3 off the ground, will be history.
DARLING: What about the Ukranian lad?
STEPHEN: I doubt Zelensky will be invited but, if he is, his input will be minimal. Of course, if Israel nukes Iran before then, we're all up the Swanee.
DARLING: Any other tips?
STEPHEN: I’ll tell you what, "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse!" (Godfather voice)
DARLING: Godfather, Marlon Brando!
STEPHEN: Correct.
DARLING: You're getting better, Stephen. ('Wahey!' Stephen sings 'Glad All Over' - Darling joins in)
DARLING: How'd you figure out Crystal Palace was my team?
STEPHEN: I've been reading your mind, my son.
DARLING: Ha-ha! Pull the other one!
STEPHEN: How often do you get to see them?
DARLING: Never miss a match if I can help it. Season ticket holder, mate. So, what's the offer I'm not going to be able to refuse?
STEPHEN: You let me out and I’ll give the Derby runners the once over and let you know what I think.
DARLING: Ha-ha! Nice try, Stephen. (SILENCE - Barnett returns)
STEPHEN: What news, Clarissa?
BARNETT: Back in five minutes, Mr. Austin. (Lights dim on Stephen) What were you singing just then? I could hear you down the hall.
DARLING: Oh, nothing. Just trying to get him to give us something.
BARNETT: Everything's being recorded, Daniel. Don't get too friendly with him. You're already in their bad books (Screen clicks off. Lights down)
DARLING: What about you?
BARNETT: What about me?
DARLING: Well, it's not just me, is it?
BARNETT: Careful, Sergeant, don't say something you'll regret. (SILENCE - Lights dim and come up again)
SCENE 10 (We see Barnett and Darling conversing on the screen)
BARNETT: Special Branch is taking over. They'll be here in 15 minutes.
DARLING: He won't like that. Have they said what's happening to him?
BARNETT: At one point they were considering altering what happened on the CCTV footage to make it look like he was knocked down and hit his head.
DARLING: What? That's stupid.
BARNETT: Yes. I said as much. I pointed out he wasn't harmed in any way and that he was checked over at the hospital and there were no wounds.DARLING: I thought the boffins were supposed to be brainy.
BARNETT: Yes, well...
DARLING: So, they were thinking about doing away with him?
BARNETT: Still are.
DARLING: Excuse me for saying so, Ma'am, but that's ridiculous. If he disappears or pops his clogs in police custody, everyman and his dog is going to want to know why.
BARNETT: It's all in hand, Daniel. I worked something out myself and they're up for it. (Darling looks at her, expectantly) I'll be breaking the news to the public. In time for News at Ten. You'll be there with me.
DARLING: What?
BARNETT: You won't have to say anything. But your presence will be required.
DARLING: So what is it you're going to say?
BARNETT: If you breathe a word of this, I wouldn't want to be you.
DARLING: Why would I say anything? Just tell me what the plan is.
BARNETT: He'll be injected with something and he'll be seen, on camera, leaving here on a stretcher and taken away in an ambulance. The public will be told that their hero suffered a heart attack, delayed reaction, the events of the day got to the poor, old soul. He'll be seen in a hospital bed, unconscious. The public will be asked to pray for him.
DARLING: Shit! That's pathetic.
BARNETT: He'll be on life support for ten days or so and then...
DARLING: What? Terminated?
BARNETT: Then they do whatever they decide to do. Comatose in a private room in some out-of-the-way old folks home, maybe, until everybody forgets about him. Whatever they decide, the higher-ups will be drip-feeding incriminating information to the proles and, in no time at all, his reputation will be in bits and a minor crisis will have been averted.
DARLING: And what do we think his Nazi mates will be doing while this is happening?
BARNETT: What can they do? They can't do anything.
DARLING: They can speculate. On line. You know as well as I do, there's a hell of a lot of stirrers out there.
BARNETT: So you don't care for my little plan?
DARLING: Oh, it's fine, old plan, much better than putting a bullet in his nut, I'm sure, but, well, I thought we were supposed to be the good guys.
BARNETT: Oh, we are the good guys, Daniel. He's the 'villain,' remember? Your description, Sergeant.
DARLING: Have they heard the recording?
BARNETT: Yes.
DARLING: So, they know he says he's a robot?
BARNETT: Yes.
DARLING: How did they react?
BARNETT: Pretty much as we did. Must be a lunatic.
DARLING: And they're not checking with Porton Down or whatever, you know, just in case?
BARNETT: In case of what?
DARLING: In case he IS a robot!
BARNETT: He's got to you, hasn't he?
DARLING: What? No, but, look, did you sense that they might know something that we don't?
BARNETT: What are you saying?
DARLING: Well, do you think they've checked their databases to see if some mad scientist is actually missing a Frankenstein? Or, you know, some guy they experimented on back in the day?
BARNETT: Listen, Daniel, whatever they're doing, whatever they're going to do, we have to go along and keep shtum. They're in charge, not us. We just do as we're told. (SILENCE)
DARLING: How are they going to keep everyone else down here sweet? Somebody's bound to blab!
BARNETT: That's their problem. They'll issue a D-Notice, I suppose.
DARLING: And you think that'll shut everyone up?
BARNETT: What they don't know, they won't be telling, will they? He just gets taken off somewhere else in an ambulance by the spooks. No one but you, me, MI5 and No. 10, will know what really happened.
DARLING: That why you told me, isn't it? So, if anybody finds out, they'll all think it's me!
BARNETT: Don't be so dramatic. Who's going to say anything? Not me. And not you if you're smart.
DARLING: That's not the point. If the people find out what really happened, the suits will be looking at me. Whether I say anything or not! I'll be the one that gets waterboarded?
BARNETT: You've been watching too much TV, Daniel. It really doesn't work like that.
DARLING: Look, Ma’am, don’t you get it? We’ll be the faces of the fuck up if people find out, and they will. I know it!
BARNETT: We don't want him preaching, and we don't want a Nazi being seen as the hero of the hour. I thought you were OK with that. Don't pretend you weren't fully up for this. Now pull yourself together. We've got to get back in there and keep him calm.
DARLING: Fuck me, I feel sick. They're fucking nuts these big lads. It just doesn't make any sense! What do they think they're going to gain by topping him?
BARNETT: Just keep your fingers crossed it won't get to that stage. I'm switching back on now. You ready?
DARLING: No, wait, wait, wait a minute. You haven’t thought it through. It’s going to come back on us no matter what happens. (Barnett says nothing) Every last BNP man and right-wing loonie in the country will be online right now, watching the TV, waiting for updates.
BARNETT: Daniel, stop...
DARLING: If we do a press call, they'll know what we look like, won’t they? And, if the shit hits the fan, who are they going to blame? (SILENCE) I'm not doing it. You can do it on your own. I'm not hanging my face out there for every last Fascist to have a crack at, I don't care what you say!
BARNETT: You don't care what I say? Would you like to rephrase that?
DARLING: You know what he told me?
BARNETT: What?
DARLING: He said you were a robot as well.
BARNETT: What?
DARLING: He said you were a robot. (Barnett laughs nastily)
BARNETT: And you believe him, you doughnut-munching plonker? It's not him who needs rewiring, it's you!
DARLING: I didn't say I believed him.
BARNETT: So why bring it up?
DARLING: I thought you ought to know, that's all.
BARNETT: Hey, Danny boy! (She starts to move towards him robotically - 'Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate!' Cue 'Doctor Who' music!
Darling backs away, mortified - Barnett bursts out laughing, recovers herself) Come on, Daniel, it's not the end of the world. Not for us, anyway. Hey, you're up for promotion to Inspector, aren't you?
DARLING: I was. Before all this.
BARNETT: Keep your nerve, see this through and I'll put in a good word, that's a promise.
DARLING: Promotions aren't much use when your six feet under, are they?
BARNETT: Oh, for goodness sake, lighten up! Nothing's going to happen to us. We're in with the in crowd, know what I mean? What are we, Daniel? (SILENCE) What are we?
DARLING: In with the in crowd...
BARNETT: There you go. That wasn't so difficult, was it? Just calm down and do your job. Listen, l’ll talk to them again. I get it. No one needs to die. Why would they do away with such a valuable source of information? Doesn't make sense, does it? But right now, we’ve got to get back in there. Take a deep breath, and follow my lead, it’ll be OK. OK?
DARLING: (Quietly, no conviction) Yeah.
SCENE 11 - Lights fade up on Stephen - On screen we see Sergeant Darling alone. He is talking to himself.
STEPHEN: You OK, Daniel?
DANIEL: I'm OK.
STEPHEN: You look as though you've seen a ghost? (SILENCE) Bad news, eh? Where is she?
DARLING: Powdering her nose.
STEPHEN: (Begins to sing 'I'm in with the in-crowd, I go where the in-crowd goes.' Daniel stares, transfixed) Know what I mean Daniel?
DANIEL: What? How did you...
BARNETT: (Enters) What's going on? Sergeant! What's... (Turns to Michael, suspiciously) What was that song you were playing? (Stephen sings a few lines of 'On Broadway,' using the same guitar chords: 'They say the girls are something else on Broadway, But looking at them just gives me the blues, Cause how ya gonna turn her on, When those who own her want you gone?')
STEPHEN: A little something just for you, Clarissa. A parting gift.
BARNETT: Ah. Mmm. Thank you. I think. Well, Stephen...
STEPHEN: Yes?
BARNETT: You'll be off our hands shortly. Special Branch will be coming to, er...
STEPHEN: Coming to take me away, hey, hey? Interesting. No 8.00 phone call then?
BARNETT: Not from this building.
STEPHEN: What do you think that means?
BARNETT: I've no idea.
STEPHEN: Yes, you do. 'I don't believe in capital punishment!' Remind me again, whose words were those? You're going to come out of it badly, you know. (SILENCE) And you are both in considerable danger. You could, at some point, have a fit of conscience and spill the beans.
DARLING: I said that! (Barnett gives him as dirty look)
STEPHEN: You should listen to Daniel, Clarice. The corridors of power do not care for loose ends. Loose ends may, at some point, trip them up, you see.
BARNETT: We do not make the law, Mr Austin.
STEPHEN: Occasionally, however, it would seem that you are prepared to break it. Modern policing, eh? Haven't seen my solicitor in a while. Been warned off, has he?
BARNETT: You gave him permission to take a break.
STEPHEN: That was over an hour ago. Get him back in here.
BARNETT: No point. You'll be on your way soon. (SILENCE)
STEPHEN: So, tell me if I have this correct. Tonight the public will be all over social media's factual version of events and tomorrow the BBC will be offering them something a child of two could see through. What happens if the public don't fall for whatever nonsense your superiors have dreampt up? Who's going to get it in the neck? Them? Or you?
BARNETT: Downing Street considers you to be an enemy of state. So do I.
STEPHEN: When the state is the enemy of the people, who is the best friend od the people?
DARLING: The enemy of the state?
BARNETT: Sergeant! You are a dangerous man, Mr Austin. That much is clear.
STEPHEN: Mr Austin, eh? Where once upon a time it was Stephen. Well, Daniel, it would appear that the lady has come to terms with what is about to occr, how about you?
DARLING: Leave me out of it. I'm not in charge here.
STEPHEN: Nor will you ever be. Career advancement is not for the civil servant who baulks when duty calls. Well, my people will be watching. They will be recording who goes in and who comes out of here. And in what condition they emerge. And some of them, well, they're a little hot-headed. They might be tempted to stage an intervention.BARNETT: What's that supposed to mean? Is that a threat?
STEPHEN: Just the opposite, actually. I don't want anyone hurt. I suggest you put on a show of force outside the building. That might, I think, lessen the possibility that someone will do something foolish. (He starts to sing 'I've got a gun'. A buzzer is heard. A light flashes on the desk. Barnett leaves the room quickly)
"I got a gun to save myself,
From those with the power and those with the wealth.
Without my gun, Mr President,
What's going to protect me from the government?
I've got a gun. I've got a gun.
I've got a gun, better get yourself one
Before the black helicopters come.
Without my gun to cover your back, Who's going to keep Deep State in check? When all the gun owners are doing time, Who's gonna protect you from violent crime?
Pretty soon they'll be coming for everyone,
But it won't be so easy if you got a gun.
When they finally arrive to murder me,
At least I'll die gun in hand and free.
I've got a gun. I've got a gun.
I've got a gun, better get yourself one
Before the black helicopters come.
STEPHEN: Daniel, could you tell me, please, are you armed?
DARLING: What? Why?
STEPHEN: It's a simple question. Do you have a taser? A firearm.
DARLING: Not on me, no. Why?
STEPHEN: You seem nervous, Daniel. Twitchy. (SILENCE) Best laid plans, eh?
DARLING: What?
DARLING: You more than me, I'm guessing.
STEPHEN: It would certainly interfere with my circuitry. Might even shut me down. But the current, amplified many times, would pass from me back to you and you'd be killed instantly. I just don't want you to do anything silly. Despite your occasional foolishness, I've grown quite fond of you.
DARLING: What are you getting at, Stephen?
STEPHEN: You've seen what I did today. A locked door won't stop me doing what I have to do.
DARLING: You're making me nervous. Should I be ringing for back up? (The lights dim and switch off - Darling is just about visible. Stephen can be seen in the spotlight - The torch facility on Darlings's mobile phone lights up) What's going on?
STEPHEN: I've jammed the electronics in this part of the building.
DARLING: Get out of it!
STEPHEN: If you're determined to disbelieve everything I tell you, what if I told you that not all officers of the law lack a social conscience.
DARLING: What? You've got people on the inside? In Scotland Yard?
STEPHEN: Take your pick, Daniel. Robot doing what robots do or Dixon of Dock Green pulling the plug? Anyway, listen to me, please. In a few seconds I'm going open this door. And then, I'll be opening yours. I won't hurt you. But you must show me how to get out of this building as unobtrusively as possible, do you understand?
DARLING: Wait, wait a minute. I need to think.
STEPHEN: There's no time. And Daniel, don't play the hero, we've had enough of that for one day. (Stephen goes to the door)
DARLING: Wait, Stephen. This door's unlocked, you don't need to... Fuck it, I'll unlock your door.
STEPHEN: I'm going to smash it down, Daniel. That way, you'll have an excuse when they question you.
DARLING: Try not to make too much nois... (Stephen roars and smashes through the door to his room. Daniel meets Stephen at the door to the interview room)
STEPHEN: So, you're on the side of the angels now?
DARLING: Hardly, but, I don't want any part of whatever it is they're planning.
STEPHEN: (Laughs) Self-preservation is a wonderful thing, Daniel. Once in a while it tempts the bad guy to do the right thing! Handcuffs? (Daniel gets some from a drawer) Put them on one of my wrists. You have the keys?
DARLING: Yes. And I'm not a bad guy, by the way. I may be a cunt but I'm not a psycho. Not an idiot either.
STEPHEN: I'll be your prisoner on the way out. Behave yourself and no one will get hurt.
DARLING: It's OK, Stephen. I'll do what I can to get you out of here. I haven't had time to figure it out but I think this is the best chance I've got of still being above ground this time next week. You vanish and the hard nuts don't get to fuck up right royally. Jesus! Yesterday I had a career. Now I'm trembing like a leaf and totally fucked. What a life, eh?
DARLING: Yeah. She said that. Doesn't work. 'Glad all over?' Huh, what a joke! Why is it always me ends up with the shitty end of the stick? God doesn't half take the piss out of me.
STEPHEN: 'Man plans, God laughs'... Yiddish proverb. And, Daniel, if I get out of this, I'll see you right.
DARLING: Yeah? Great. Thanks, I think. What you said about the Superintendant. The robot thing, were you winding me up?
STEPHEN: Nope. She's definitely had a few extras added.
DARLING: Were you really reading my mind?
STEPHEN: When?
DARLING: When you started singing 'In Crowd.'
STEPHEN: I can read lips.
DARLING: What?
STEPHEN: You were singing it to yourself when you switched the CCTV back on.
DARLING: Oh. Was I? I thought you were reading my mind. Don’t forget your promise, will you?
STEPHEN: What promise?
DARLING: The Derby. I want that tip. Here’s my card.
STEPHEN: (Laughs, takes the card) You may not realise it, Daniel, but you're doing the right thing here. Wait outside for me, please... Hey, Danny boy, what should you do if you're not sure of something?
DARLING: Look it up?
STEPHEN: (Nods) You're learning. (Daniel walks out of the door - Stephen walks up to the camera, his face occupies the whole of the screen)
'Come with me if you want to live!’
He exits.
THE END
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